some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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