i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i came on her dog
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
