Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
