she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
