Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
