Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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