The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
