I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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