if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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