He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
