I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
