I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
