What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
