hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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