five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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