I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
