Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She announced her abortion via fbk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
