I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
