her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
