last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
