I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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