I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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