I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
