its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
