And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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