well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize