I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
