Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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