I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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