The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
