Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
