A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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