Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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