he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
