I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
