So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
