i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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