Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I smell stomach acid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize