we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool