I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.