I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
