Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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