You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
