Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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