The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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