i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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