Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
