Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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