We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
