You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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