You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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