The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I currently don't understand fingers.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
