Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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