so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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