My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
