Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
