If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
