I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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