I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
