3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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