as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
