You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
