I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
